Monday, 19 November 2012

I am Thankful for...

  • My Family
- My Brother- who supports me and tries his best to look after me when no one else can.  While dealing with what everyone else goes through he is still my extraordinary brother and one of my supermen.  
-My Dad- who tries his very best to work and spend a lot of time with me and is like Super Dad in my eyes and there is nothing he can do that will make me stop loving him.  He is one of my supermen in my life.  
-My Mom- who runs around like a maniac to make sure that not only me but my entire family has what we need and want.
-My Sister- who I share a love/hate relationship with and who is a constant reminder of who I was and I can be again.  
-My Extended Family- who are all over the world and and are busy doing what they need to do for their own families but are always connected to us and are concerned that I am alive and well.
  • Pat
-I am thankful for Pat everyday because I know that I would not where or who I am without her.  She pushes me to my limit and I love and hate her sometimes but at the end of the day I know that she wants what's best for me and I want what's best for her.  

  • School
-School gives me a distraction from my negative emotions and helps me connect to the world.  Everyone at school is very understanding and compassionate towards me and my family.  And I don't think there is anything I can do to repay any of them.  This kind of generous community, in a way, gave me my life back.  
  • Art
-Art gave me something that I can't do with music or say.  It's my barrier.  Everyone can look at a piece of writing and say I can do better or I've seen better.  But with my art I doubt anyone in the world can truly say out loud it's not unique and that anyone but me can do it.  It gives me a piece of identity.
  • Music
-Music, like art, helps me to say or do anything that I wouldn't be able to do.  It gets rid of my ego.  And yes, I do have an ego.  It connects me to other people when I feel completely alone.  Or it's just a way to annoy or embarrass me.  It flushes my mind.  When I listen to my favorite song or a classic I just envision myself dancing it out and some how when the song is done I am happy and positive.  Or asleep.
  • Books
-Books help me escape reality.  For an hour or almost the entire day I escape and I don't want to stop.  Because when I stop all I realize is that the vampire falls in love with the girl or that the girl tries to save herself.  But none of that is reality.  All that I am left with are dreams.  Dreams of what would happen if I was the girl in my latest book?  What would be different?  And those dreams are like my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  
  • Movies
-Movies probably effect everyone.  Movies can change your perspective about a little detail or a big picture thats happening in your life or in the world.  Movies for me are like books, art and music they're different but similar.  Movies tell me a story that continuously surprise and inspire me.  Whether I am watching Twilight or Batman or even Beauty and the Beast.  I am constantly inspired to be better at anything from being a sister to having a realization about love.  

  • My Wheelchair
-My wheelchair is awesome.  It is the icing on the cake.  I love being in my wheelchair to go to school or a movie or a possible walk around my neighborhood.  I love my wheelchair and the aftermath doesn't matter because I know I'm safe and in control about what I do.  I don't really have much control about my life except when I am in this chair it's my ticket to anywhere and everywhere.  Even though it's old it's also awesome.  
  • My friends
-I am grateful for all those who are always around.  The ones I have,  and for the ones I might have.  I am constantly meeting new people and along the way I'm hoping to make some of them friends.  

  • The people that believe in me
-I am especially grateful for the people that believe in me.  From my family to all the amazing people who came to the Paintability exhibition  and to absolute strangers and to long time friends.  I never thought that I could be here in 2012 much less have an art exhibition.  I know that I'm not the easiest person to deal with but knowing that people around me are supportive of who I am and are willing to put up with my difficulties inspires me to be awesomer.

Happy Thanksgiving and I hope you will leave a comment and tell me what you are thankful for.

Sunday, 4 November 2012


I am a terrible person when it comes to keeping goals.  I don't know why but I just either don't fulfill them or I give up on them very quickly.  So when it comes to school related goals, I am not any better.  I usually write a goal that I want to fulfill and then half way through the quarter or semester or year I will have fulfilled it and forgotten that I have so I have a bad memory when it comes to this sort of work.  I guess I'm old in that sense.  But when it comes to creative goals and personal goals I have to try extra hard to remember because I created them for a reason, so what did I create them for?

For my personal goals some are really unachievable but to me there hope instead of a goal.  One of the current personal goals I have is that I will walk before I graduate either from college or high school but I really want to walk across the stage to receive my diploma instead of wheel across.  I really like the fact that I am different but sometimes I feel like its the only thing that is my worst enemy.   Because I have this disability I can do so many amazing things that I never knew existed like my artwork and driving before I have a driver's license.  I also can't do things that I would love to do like showing my sister the mistakes in her dance routine, performing in the same routine as her, going to dance and meeting a guy that I like.  Some people will say that these things don't matter and that people will see me for who I am.  It gets harder to believe that even though you want to it just gets harder to have the hope and the drive of achieving normal.  And the older I get the more I am missing out on.  But I guess I can always live through my sister's life.

My creative goals, however extreme,  are always achievable because theres no limit on creativity and imagination.  I imagine a lot of things from really cool idea about a piece of artwork to a choreographed dance routine to a song to a blog in my head.  I always have a creative wheel turning and it never stops.  I read a lot of books that encourage the wheel to turn.  Whenever it's serious and realistic book I loose some creativity and imagination because this could or did happen to someone and that scares me.  Through many imaginative outlooks the creative wheel never stops when it does it takes everything in me not to cry and weep because there is no hope.

Last Thursday, I did a beautiful, crazy, unfathomable piece of artwork for a paint company.  I cannot remember their name or I forgot what it is spelled like.  I had to feature their color of the year which was a indigo blue.  At the beginning of this painting I was under the impression that their color of the year was a dark purple which drastically changed the outcome of the painting.  It turned out to be a beautiful disaster.  Like all of my pieces it was unique and unforgettable.  There is a video of this beautiful disaster which I will post next.  There are really cool pictures and scenes from this video accenting the wheel movements.

For all of you who are new and who don't know me and think I exaggerate a lot I dare you to come up to me and ask to drive my chair.  Even though I am a 14 year old, I can still drive this chair better than any other person who has attempted to drive it so far.  My parents might be able to drive a van with a stick but I can drive a wheelchair with my mouth.  And I will rock this chair until someone in this bizarre universe can prove me wrong or can upstage my awesomeness.

Except the challenge or dare but until next time,

Ta, Ta